Overview
Most people experience grief when they lose something or someone important to them. If these feelings are affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help.
Support is also available if you're finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression.
The UK Gov website has information on what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.
Symptoms of bereavement, grief and loss
Bereavement, grief and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel.
As well as bereavement, there are other types of loss such as the end of a relationship or losing a job or home.
Some of the most common symptoms include:
- shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about "being in a daze"
- overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
- tiredness or exhaustion
- anger – towards the person you've lost or the reason for your loss
- guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say, or not being able to stop your loved one dying
These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly.
It's not always easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you're acting or feeling differently.
Stages of bereavement or grief
Experts generally accept that we go through 4 stages of bereavement or grief:
- Accepting that your loss is real
- Experiencing the pain of grief
- Adjusting to life without the person or thing you have lost
- Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new
Most people go through all these stages, but you will not necessarily move smoothly from one to the next.
Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.
Things you can try to help with bereavement, grief and loss
Do:
- try talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor – you could also contact a support organisation such as Cruse Bereavement Care or call: 0808 808 1677
- consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other. Find out more about peer support on the Mind website
- Some people turn to alcohol or drugs during difficult times. You can talk to someone about this on the free phone 24 hour Drug and Alcohol helpline DAN 08088 082234
Don’t:
- do not try to do everything at once – set small targets that you can easily achieve
- do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better
- try not to tell yourself that you're alone – most people feel grief after a loss and support is available
- try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief – these can all contribute to poor mental health
Further information and support
You can find further information and support about:
The GOV.UK website also has information about what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.
Where to get NHS help for stress, anxiety or depression
Referring yourself for therapy
If you need more support, you can get free psychological therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on the NHS.
You can refer yourself directly to a psychological therapies service without a referral from a GP.
See a GP if:
- you're struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or a low mood
- you've had a low mood for more than 2 weeks
- things you're trying yourself are not helping
- you would prefer to get a referral from a GP
Call 111 or ask for an urgent GP appointment if:
- you need help urgently, but it's not an emergency
111 can tell you the right place to get help if you need to see someone. Go to 111.wales.nhs.uk or call 111.
Call 999 or go to A&E now if:
- you or someone you know needs immediate help
- you have seriously harmed yourself – for example, by taking a drug overdose
A mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a medical emergency.
Find your nearest A&E